The Importance of Trust

Many would see this title and automatically assume that this will be about the children having to earn our trust.  If that was you, you’re incorrect.  I actually want to focus on the importance of our children trusting us.  I am a firm believer that I’m not here to be my children’s “friend” but as a parent and sometimes have to make the hard and unpopular decisions for their betterment.  But I also firmly believe that there are times when we have to make ourselves more human to our children to let them know that we aren’t too different from them.  This shouldn’t only be done to let them that they can’t get much over on you, but to let them know that you can relate to some of their troubles.

Children can sometimes feel as if they are the first and only people going through situations.  They don’t think they can talk to anyone about it because no one else will understand.  They really don’t think that their old, historic parents can relate to them.  There’s no way that’s possible!  In their minds, things were so easy and great for us when we were growing up.  Didn’t you think that about your parents’ upbringing and school life?  I did.  Although there are a couple decades between the times when we were in the same grade, what our older son is going through isn’t much different from what I experienced around that same age- good and bad.  It’s just a natural transition in life which has its share of ups and downs.  But they don’t know that unless someone really sits down to talk to them.

It’s unfortunate that so many children are talked “at” and not talked “to”.  Although they are children, they still deserve respect.  More than anything, they deserve the respect of their parents.  As adults, we don’t like when we get more credit from strangers than our loved ones so why wouldn’t you expect your child to feel the same way?  It doesn’t take away our power or control as parents to open up to them and share some of the problems we had at their ages.  Or to give examples of the lessons that we’ve had to learn along the way.  They appreciate it when you do take the parent hat off and talk to them as a “friend”.  It’s important for them to feel that they have a friend in their parent so that they will know who they can come to with any issues that they are facing.  We can’t allow our children to feel alone.  Some of them feel that enough at school.  We’ve all been there and know that school can be brutal.  Their home should be their safe place.  Again, that isn’t to say that all rules and regulations should be removed and allow them to just tear everything up.  That was said to remind you to take the time to sit down with your children and just talk.  Be genuinely interested in their lives and welcome them into yours.

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