You Can’t Always Be Friends With Your Children

The balance of parenting your children and being a friend to them is a tough line to walk. It can be a challenge to walk the line, but there is a saying that I want to bring to your attention to today.

“There is a time and place for everything.”

This saying applies to you with being friends with your kids. Don’t get me wrong. I believe it is important to build a bond and trust with your children. They should like you and even want to be around you from time to time. Your children should definitely trust you enough to want to confide in you when they need to, but this cannot be the case 24/7. They don’t always need you as a friend. They always need you as a parent.

You must be willing to draw the line in the sand at a moments notice if you decide you are going to establish friendships with your children. In our household, we have decided to take this approach. We laugh, play and joke with our kids constantly with each other. There are practical jokes being played, the dozens, games, even play fighting.

However, our children have a clear understanding that we are the parents and they are the children. Any time it seems as though these lines are blurring a bit too much, we don’t have any issues redrawing these lines with a few stern words and reminder of our natural positions and roles in the house.

Being a parent is not always easy. Anyone that has been a parent for longer than one day can tell you this. It gets even tougher when you build a friendship with your child, but lose your ability to revert back to your authoritarian position as a parent. Luckily, I have no problems with this and can do it in a moments notice.

Homework Example

I got to thinking about this yesterday because our oldest son walked into the home a bit distressed with the amount of homework he had to complete. Sometimes he is a bit paranoid and needs to talk it out. We were concerned as parents, you could even say friendly about the situation as we tried to console and talk him through it.

After a few minutes of coddling him, I had the flash that he needed some tough love. He needed some parenting, not a friend in this moment. My voice changed and I told him to suck it up, stop complaining, get his mind focused on completing the task and get it done.

He wasn’t the only person in the world that has ever had too much homework. Standing in the family room whining and complaining about it was only taking up time and doing nothing to help him get it done.

Needless to say, after a few hours of work, he came back down stairs and found me. He said I was right. If he just put his mind to something, even a big challenge, then it can be done quickly and correctly. He was very pleased that he was able to set his mind to the task and get the work done.

As a parent, I was glad that he reinforced the lesson of focus and determination, but know the catalyst was switching from friend mode to parent mode. By parenting up and telling him to stop talking, complaining and get the job done, he was able to push through it.

This is just a small example when not being your child’s friend, but their parent can be a great benefit. It is very critical to your future to be able to be a parent when it is time to step up in the moment. If you feel like your lines are getting too blurred, then I would say don’t even start down this path. Children need more parenting than friends.

What is your take on this discussion? Are you friends with your children or do you keep the traditional lines of parent, child relationships?

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